Will I Get 50/50 Custody in Oklahoma?

One of the most common questions I hear is:

“Can I get 50/50 custody?”

The answer is not simple. Before we start, it is important to understand that Oklahoma courts do not award 50/50 custody simply because a parent wants it, and they do not deny it simply because the other parent objects to it. It is also important to understand that courts do not decide custody solely by determining which parent is a “good parent” and which parent is not.

The reality is more complicated than that.

When someone asks whether they will get 50/50 custody, there are usually several different questions embedded inside what appears to be a simple question. To answer it properly, we need to work through those questions one at a time.

What Do You Mean By 50/50 Custody?

One of the first things I try to determine is what the parent means when they say “50/50 custody.”

In Oklahoma, there is a difference between legal custody and physical custody.

Legal custody refers to who has the authority to make major decisions for the child, including issues such as education, medical treatment, counseling, religious upbringing, and participation in activities.

Physical custody refers to where the child lives and how much time the child spends in each parent’s home.

Many people use the phrase “50/50 custody” when they are really talking about equal parenting time. Others are talking about joint decision-making authority. Still others are referring to both.

Before anyone can evaluate whether 50/50 custody is realistic, it is important to know exactly what is being requested.

Does Oklahoma Law Require Equal Parenting Time?

Over the years, I have heard many people say that Oklahoma is a “mom state,” meaning that mothers usually get custody.

Mothers often do end up with more parenting time, but usually not for the reason people assume.

Oklahoma law generally favors children having frequent and continuing contact with both parents when those parents have demonstrated the ability to act in the child’s best interests. Oklahoma law also specifically provides that courts are not supposed to prefer one parent over the other based on gender alone.

At the same time, Oklahoma courts are required to make custody decisions based on the best interests of the child.

That means there is no automatic rule requiring equal parenting time in every case.

There is also no automatic rule that one parent should receive substantially more time than the other.

Every case is different, and every judge is looking at the specific facts in front of them.

What Factors Does a Judge Consider?

This is usually where the real discussion begins.

There are many factors that courts may consider, including:

• The history of caregiving
• The relationship between each parent and the child
• Work schedules
• Distance between the parents’ homes
• School considerations
• The parents’ ability to communicate and co-parent
• The child’s age
• Stability
• Special needs
• Any history of abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or substance abuse

In my experience, we usually start with logistics.

Before we get into accusations, parenting philosophies, or who is supposedly the better parent, we look at practical realities.

• Where do the parents live?
• Where does the child go to school?
• Who can get the child to school every day?
• Who can transport the child to activities?
• What do the parents’ work schedules actually look like?

Sometimes a parent who is otherwise capable of exercising equal parenting time simply cannot make the logistics work.

I have seen many situations where two loving and capable parents wanted equal time, but distance, work schedules, or school obligations made that difficult.

Ultimately, Oklahoma law does not provide a formula that tells a judge when to order 50/50 parenting time. The decision depends heavily on the facts of the case and the judge’s assessment of what arrangement best serves the child.

Does It Matter Who Has Been the Primary Caregiver?

The answer is yes and no.

People often assume that identifying the “primary caregiver” will determine the outcome of the custody case. In my experience, it is rarely that simple.

Most judges have a difficult time determining who has truly been the primary caregiver when both parents have been actively involved.

One parent may have cooked more meals.

The other parent may have handled transportation to school.

One parent may have attended more doctor’s appointments.

The other may have helped with homework every night.

When both parents have been involved, the question becomes much more subjective than people expect.

There are situations where one parent has clearly handled most of the parenting responsibilities, and that can matter. This often occurs when the child is very young or when the parents have never lived together.

At the same time, I have seen many cases where a child primarily lived with one parent before litigation began, and the court still ordered equal parenting time once the evidence showed that both parents were capable of caring for the child.

Does Equal Parenting Time Reduce Child Support?

Generally speaking, yes.

This is both a blessing and a curse.

The law recognizes that a parent who spends more time caring for a child is usually spending more money caring for that child. As parenting time increases, child support often changes as well.

The problem is that this creates incentives.

Sometimes parents seek more parenting time because they genuinely want more involvement with their children.

Sometimes parents oppose equal parenting time because they are concerned about the financial consequences.

And sometimes parents seek equal parenting time primarily because they want to reduce child support.

Judges see these situations all the time.

As a result, courts can become skeptical when a parent’s focus appears to be financial rather than parental.

That does not mean child support should be ignored. It simply means that if your primary argument for 50/50 custody is that it will save money, you are probably focusing on the wrong issue.

What Hurts a Request for 50/50 Custody?

Out of all the factors I have seen over the years, distance and work schedules probably prevent equal parenting time more often than anything else.

If one parent’s schedule makes it difficult to get the child to school, activities, or appointments, 50/50 parenting time becomes more difficult.

Likewise, if the parents live far apart, maintaining an equal schedule can become challenging.

That does not mean it is impossible.

Years ago, I had a judge in Oklahoma County order a 50/50 arrangement where one parent lived in Wyoming and the other lived in Midwest City.

The schedule was unusual. The parties alternated parenting time in three-month blocks.

I certainly would not have predicted that outcome before the hearing.

Other factors that can create problems include:

• Domestic violence concerns
• Substance abuse concerns
• Serious mental health concerns
• Lack of involvement with the child
• An inability to cooperate with the other parent

But even those factors must be evaluated within the context of the particular case.

What Doesn’t Matter As Much As People Think?

People often focus on issues that turn out to be less important than they expect.

For example:

• Who filed first
• Which parent wants 50/50 custody more
• Which parent complains the loudest
• Which parent thinks they are the better parent
• General attacks on the other parent’s character

What matters is evidence.

What matters is whether the proposed parenting arrangement works.

What matters is whether the arrangement serves the child’s best interests.

A judge is much more interested in practical parenting realities than in emotional arguments.

Who Gets To Decide Activities If We Have 50/50 Time?

Many parents focus on the schedule without thinking about the consequences of the schedule.

Children have activities.

They have sports.

They have church activities.

They have school events.

They have friends.

What happens when one parent signs the child up for soccer during the other parent’s parenting time?

What happens when one parent wants the child in a particular activity and the other parent disagrees?

These disputes happen all the time.

This is where the distinction between legal custody and physical custody becomes important.

A parent may have equal parenting time but not have equal decision-making authority. Depending on the custody arrangement, one parent may have the authority to make certain decisions over the other parent’s objection.

As a practical matter, these issues can create conflict long after the custody case is over.

So, Will You Get 50/50 Custody?

The honest answer is:

It depends.

It depends on:

• You
• The other parent
• The child
• The circumstances
• The judge
• Everything that could reasonably be viewed as affecting the child’s best interests

I tell a story to many of my clients about a case I handled years ago.

The parties were fighting over equal parenting time. One side wanted substantially more time with the children. The other wanted an equal schedule.

The lawyers spent a great deal of time present at trial all the factors we have talked about in this article: school schedules, distance between the homes, work schedules, parenting history, and the practical logistics of raising the children.

After the evidence was presented, the judge took a recess.

When he returned, he began explaining his ruling.

The first thing he talked about was not work schedules.

It was not school.

It was not transportation.

Instead, he started talking about growing up fishing with his grandparents and the memories he had from those experiences.

One of the parents in the case lived next door to their parents. Those grandparents had a pond where the children could fish.

The judge ultimately decided that a 50/50 parenting schedule would allow the children to maintain strong relationships with both parents while also spending meaningful time with their grandparents.

The point of that story is not that fishing ponds determine custody cases.

The point is that judges are making discretionary decisions about what they believe is best for a particular child under a particular set of circumstances. Sometimes the factor that ultimately matters is not the factor the lawyers spent the most time arguing about.

That is why no lawyer can honestly guarantee that you will receive 50/50 custody.

The better question is whether the facts of your case support a finding that equal parenting time is in your child’s best interests.

That is usually where the real custody analysis begins.

Final Thoughts

If you are trying to determine whether 50/50 custody is realistic in your case, gather information before meeting with a lawyer.

Be prepared to discuss:

• Your work schedule
• The other parent’s work schedule
• The child’s school
• The distance between the homes
• The child’s activities
• The parenting history
• Any concerns involving safety, substance abuse, or domestic violence

Most importantly, understand that there is no formula.

There is no checklist that guarantees equal parenting time.

There are simply facts, circumstances, and a judge who must decide what arrangement is in the best interests of your child.